Ignorance is only bliss for the Ignorant…
So, as Morgan suggested earlier, I’ve decided to write an article about Ignorant “Metal Fans.” I put quotation marks there because there are basically two types of those people: People legitimately into Heavy Metal who are simply misinformed, and people who simply believe everything with distortion/overdrive in it is “Metal,” regardless of how much actual Metal they have heard.
The first type of person, I’m generally a lot nicer to, because I was like that once too. I’ll freely admit that when I was twelve and really didn’t understand Metal Music, I would assume that bands like Korn and such were actually Metal. And that is perfectly alright, considering that, at the time, I had no internet access, no television beyond local, antenna shit, and basically had to rely on my dad who was pretty damn out of touch. (He firmly believes that Death Metal is not Metal, and that the Genre died long, long ago) Of course, when I got onto the internet, I immediately began to broaden my horizons to where they are now. From what I have observed, most other people who are legitimately into Metal are much like I was, even if they occasionally argue. Hence, they’re usually just a few recommendations away from realizing how lame Korn actually are.
The other group though…
I hate Avenged Sevenfold with more fury than a thousand tornadoes battling a thousand ManOwaRs at the nexus of a thousand portals to hell...
You all know them. The douche bags who run around, spouting off how awesome “A7x” are and playing really shitty covers of System Of A Down. (For the record, I actually like some System Of A Down) They readily conform to what MTV feeds them on their pathetic shows like “Headbangers Ball.” Look, no matter how much I hate their choice in music, (and I do) I’m not angry at them for choosing it: I’m angry because they consistently besmirch the concept of Metal Music and they way it’s perceived. Ozzy gets us enough bad publicity, I really don’t need people like Trivium trying to procreate their distorted and frankly bullshit view of Heavy Metal. Heavy Metal music is not about “Helping The Fallen” or any of the other pretentious bullshit I’ve seen these twits spout out in an attempt to hide the fact that they know about as much about Metal as the average butterfly. Heavy Metal is too diverse a genre filled with too diverse of artists to try to pigeon hole it as having one big philosophical force uniting it, much less one that is hard to find in Metal as a whole.
Again, it’s not that people don’t listen to Metal music that bothers me, (I’ve got quite a fondness for Punk Rock and Blues myself) it’s that they have no idea what they are talking about and yet will act like they are the end all, be all authority on Heavy Metal. Look, if you can’t name at least three bands per-subgenre that you didn’t see on MTV, just stop being so preachy about what is and is not Metal. It’s fine if you’re not an expert on the music, because, well, it’s a pretty useless skill anyways. (It’s only gotten me tits once because said tits happened to be very into Iron Maiden before they met me)
Another point to make here is applicable to ALL the ignorant people about Metal, be them fans or not: Get the god damn subgenre you’re using right if you’re not just going to call the band you’re talking about “Heavy Metal.” Whether the band is Cannibal Corpse, Black Sabbath, Slayer or Immortal, calling them Heavy Metal will always make you infinitely less stupid than calling Metallica “Death Metal” or Children Of Bodom “Thrash Metal.” If you’re ignorant, accept that and stop acting like you’re as well schooled in the genre as someone like Me or Morgan. If you don’t know what to call a band like Judas Priest, just ask someone who actually does know! We’d be happy to tell you, and probably try to push their music onto you. (Sorry, we do that) Another part of this problem is when you go and create new subgenres. Here is a short list of some of the fake types of Metal I have heard of before:
- Slasher Metal
- Abyssal Metal
- Laptop Metal
- Satanic Metal (This one is touchy because sometimes it’s just meant to refer to Satanic/Anti-Christian bands, but not as a genre, and thus occasionally has merit)
- Slam-Death Metal
- Murder Metal
- War Metal
- Battle Metal
- Pagan Metal (This one is also touchy because, like Satanic Metal, it’s sometimes just meant to refer to Pagan bands, not a genre, and thus also has merit at times)
- Hate Metal
And the list, like the Road, goes on forever.
Did I just reference the great Robert Earl Keen?
Seriously though, it’s even more annoying than people who use the wrong genre and it’s often useless anyways. You really don’t need to make up a new genre for every band that sounds slightly different to you that the last band. If it’s a band like Crotchduster, or Portal (Aus), then I can sort of understand it since it’s a little hard to say exactly what those bands play. (Technical/Experimental Death/Black Metal is a bit of a mouth-full…) But for god’s sake, when it’s a band who are actually on MTV or something like that, they got there with a genre well in place before you heard of them. You are NOT the first person to ever hear Meshuggah and wonder “What the fuck is this?” Like I said before, when in doubt, just call it “Heavy Metal” and leave it at that. It’s simple, effective, and makes you look dramatically less stupid. Now, if a large number of bands start all following a similar sound, (For example, if about 50 bands like Portal show up) then it would be ok to try to name them something new. Until then, they can be the one Technical/Experimental Death/Black Metal band.
Also, cocks.
Sincerely,
-Zero, Thrasher from the Pasture.
Behold: Zero, and his ripping social commentary.
Hello friends. It is I, Zero, friend of Morgan, Thrasher from the Pasteur, and Stealer of Hearts. I have come to you all again from the depths of the real world to grace you all with my presence.
“But I don’t know you Zero, and why should I care about what you have to say?” There are two simple reasons for why you should listen to me:
1. It’s good enough for Morgan.
2. I’m handsome, and therefore, correct.
But on a serious note, I’m here to talk about a disturbing trend I’ve noticed in the youth of our generation. I speak of how it has somehow become popular for kids in our generation to constantly promote a sense of low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and a generally anti-social attitude towards anyone who would present the slightest bit of happiness with themselves. For some reason, I’ve noticed a number of teens who constantly drown themselves in a pool of self-pity, self loathing and self afflicted despair. Take note of how I’ve brought up the involvement of the self in all these things: I do that for a reason. These people choose to feel worse about something. They compel themselves to feel worse about whatever issue is at hand. But before I rip into these lads, let me tell you a bit about myself.
That’s a somewhat recent photo of me. Pretty kick ass, eh? I look better now because my beard is longer, but that’s more or less what I look like now. And if you can’t tell, I’m pretty confident about myself and jokingly arrogant. But this is a pretty recent thing for me. I used to be just like the people I’m talking about. I had low self-esteem and thought I was a loser. You know, that old story. I really thought that was how life was supposed to work. And it was awful. I was never happy. I always felt bad about myself. It made me act out in ways I’m not proud of. I was mean to people who I should have been nice to and I was generally very, very high-strung. Everything was life or death and I constantly was making my life worse than it should have been. That all changed, however, when I got a girlfriend. She’s still a pretty good friend of mine even though she broke up with me. But she’s not important to this because of our relationship and I didn’t mention her because I was going to rant about her. Rather, she’s important because she basically told me to grow the fuck up. She knew that I was acting like that on purpose. She was tired of it and said I either had to grow up or she’d leave me. And I grew the fuck up pretty fast.
Sadly, I think a lot of people don’t have someone to come by and give them the ultimatum she gave me, and sadly even fewer would actually own up to their actions.
I’ve pondered this greatly in the past few days. I have done so because, after pouring years of hard work and kindness into two people I called friends, I had to cut them loose from me. It was hard for me. It was fucking painful, in fact. I had memories with those guys, moments that I’ll never forget, adventures and special moments from our childhoods that will never leave me. But I had to let them go. Because I’ve become a confident, mature, happy person, and they’re still just like I used to be. And they don’t like me for that. They said I have a big ego, and typically joking insults from them have that salty undertone of sincerity when they say them. They’ve actually grown to resent me because of how I have changed, even though I’ve been there for them and done my best to make them feel happy like myself. I didn’t want to, but it was my only option.
And since then, I’ve thought about my experiences. I have been through some hard stuff since I had to “grow up” for sure. I’ve felt pretty bad at those times. But I never felt as bad as when I was so hard on myself, and I’ve been through much worse since then. So it’s incomprehensible to me how my best friends whom I’ve tried so hard to bring up would still choose to drag themselves through the depths and be such depressing muckrakers. Worse still is the feeling that I’m the bad guy, when I’ve tried my very best to help them.
The reason for this nonsense? I’m going to say it’s for pity. I’m willing to bet that people who act like this are just like I was, people who are too afraid to look into themselves for something to offer to other people. So they try to subsist on pity. But there’s more to it than that, because it also breeds an anti-social sense of superiority, a lack of responsibility for one’s own actions, and a horribly judging attitude. However, I’m nearly at the end of my copy of At The Heart Of Winter, which means that I need to wrap this up. So to everyone who read this, I wish you well, and hope that perhaps you can find a way to bring an end to this trend of self loathing. Till then, I’ll be off terrorizing North Texas.
Sincerely,
Zero.
Agonistes
zeroofhate
